


girls like girls like boys do (nothing new)

by towokuwusatsuwu



Series: Pride 2018: 30 Days of S.W.O.R.D. [26]
Category: HiGH&LOW: the Story of S.W.O.R.D. (TV)
Genre: F/F, First Crush, Lesbian Character, Self-Discovery, Sexuality Crisis, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 00:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15061283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/towokuwusatsuwu/pseuds/towokuwusatsuwu
Summary: “I don’t understand,” she finally blurts out. “Is there someone else to like?”Naomi levels a look at her. “Junko, ask yourself who you’re talking to. I don’t like men, correct? You know this about me. So, who is it that I like?”“Oh. Oh. You’re talking about… Maybe I just like women?” Junko is tentative, breathing a sigh of relief when Naomi smiles not unkindly and nods.“Maybe you do. You should think about it.” Naomi leans across the counter, sets her hands gently on Junko’s shoulders and squeezes. “You might think that it should be obvious, that if you like women it’ll just be a fact about yourself that you already know, but that’s not always the case. It’s not encouraged for women to like women, so you might have been feeling this way, but you made excuses or ignored it. Think on it a while. It might help you out some.”





	girls like girls like boys do (nothing new)

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here. I thought I finally figured it out.” Junko is miserable, arms resting on the polished wood of the Itokan bar, chin on top of them. Behind the counter, Naomi is cleaning up for the night, and though the diner is closed, Junko can linger and complain because Naomi has always had a soft spot for her, and she takes advantage of it. “I thought for sure that being close to him was going to make it happen for me.”

The subject of her current complaint is the leader of Sannoh Rengokai. In Junko’s eyes, Cobra is easily the most beautiful man she has ever seen, not quite handsome, facial structure too soft for such a word, but pretty just the same. The last few months, Junko has stepped up her flirting game not because she wants him actively— she doesn’t, has no desire to lure him away from his partners, and Lord knows hurting Noboru is on the very bottom of her list— but because she wants to feel  _ something. _ Anything. No man has ever quite done it for her.

For years now, Junko has been sure she must be broken. She knows just as well as anyone else that Sannoh has several cute guys, that most of the guys even are attractive, and the attention they garner is not lost on her. Even outside of Sannoh, there are handsome men; she remembers Oshiage hung up on Murayama, the pretty boy leader of Oya High. Junko might have given her advice, because Oshiage was desperate, but truthfully Junko has no idea what it takes to make a man fall in love with a woman. She’s still trying to figure out how to make  _ herself _ fall, worried something inside of her might not be quite right.

Her crush on Cobra is for appearances for the most part, giving the girls something to giggle about while Junko tries to puzzle out her life and what everything means for her. There have been other men, but none of them ever mean anything to her. She’s gone on a few dates here and there, but if the conversations do not capture her attention, nothing does. Once or twice, she kissed one of her dates just to see if she would feel anything, but there was never anything there, no spark, not even the sly slink of interest. She came home unsatisfied every time, that much more upset every single time.

Sannoh had come to Itokan a few nights ago to have a party, a celebration for something, Junko is still a little fuzzy on the details because she and her girls came in late, busy for the first few hours of the party. But Cobra had a free spot beside him, and because Cobra is so beautiful in her eyes, she thought sitting close to him, basking in his presence, stealing his attention from his friends might do something for her. By the end of the night, Junko had given up.

She whines and scrubs a hand over her face, wishing she could make sense of this. Is she not meant to end up with someone? She knows some people feel no particular inclinations for anyone, not interested in relationships of any kind, but that doesn’t work for her. She  _ wants _ a relationship, wants to be with someone. The problem is, no one ever catches her eye.

Naomi’s hand is light on her shoulder, gentle. “Junko, I know you’ve been working very hard to find a man that appeals to you, and it hasn’t worked, right?”

“That’s putting it lightly. I’ve failed in every sense of the word.” Junko pouts, kicks her shoe against the front of the bar. “You know I wouldn’t steal Cobra. I would have settled for just a crush, or something, or anything. But there’s nothing there at all.”

“That’s what you keep saying. Has it ever occurred to you that you might not be interested in men at all?” Naomi poses the question softly, carefully.

“Not interested in…” Junko trails off, her eyes fixed on some vague point in the distance, letting the idea roll around in her head. “What do you mean by that?”

Naomi sighs down at her and Junko frowns as she lifts her head. In her defense, she’s  _ tired _ and this has confused her for years. “I mean, you don’t like men. At all. I know you keep trying to like men, but you’re… You just don’t. If you did, you just  _ would. _ Do you think Cobra has to work hard to like men, to like Yamato? Do you think Noboru does? It comes naturally for her, wouldn’t you say? Oshiage was struggling to tell Murayama how she felt, not to just  _ like _ him.”

Junko needs a moment to let that one settle in her mind, and Naomi seems to understand this, giving her space, setting a beer down by her elbow and moving on to something else. Though Junko has drunk more than enough this evening, she pulls the alcohol closer and sips from the glass. Her, not like men? It certainly  _ feels _ that way. As hard as she works to like men, as hard as she works to find someone who might interest her and be interested in her in turn, nothing ever works out. She tries so hard, tries to make herself seem charming to make up for all of her rough edges, but maybe… Maybe the effort had been wasted after all?

She never questioned the difference between her and the other people in her life who were able to form relationships. Assumed she was the broken one, or that she must have been doing something wrong, but Naomi has a point. None of them ever seem to put forth the effort that she does to like other people, and though Junko had known on some level she must be different, this is not the level she was considering.

“I don’t understand,” she finally blurts out. “Is there someone else to like?”

Naomi levels a look at her. “Junko, ask yourself who you’re talking to. I don’t like men, correct? You know this about me. So, who is it that I like?”

“Oh.  _ Oh. _ You’re talking about… Maybe I just like women?” Junko is tentative, breathing a sigh of relief when Naomi smiles not unkindly and nods.

“Maybe you do. You should think about it.” Naomi leans across the counter, sets her hands gently on Junko’s shoulders and squeezes. “You might think that it should be obvious, that if you like women it’ll just be a fact about yourself that you already know, but that’s not always the case. It’s not encouraged for women to like women, so you might have been feeling this way, but you made excuses or ignored it. Think on it a while. It might help you out some.”

Junko pays for the beer even though Naomi insists it’s on the house and lets herself out of Itokan, hands tucked into the pocket of her jacket, letting herself think over Naomi’s words. Like women? The concept is far from a foreign one, at least to her, because some of her girls are lesbians, some bisexual, and she knows Noboru still talks about liking women even though she’s dating two men. Considering it for herself, though… She never has. Sure, she finds women pretty, but surely that isn’t indicative of anything. Being physically attractive doesn’t mean anything; even Naomi has agreed with her that Cobra is pretty.

Naomi has a point, though. It might take time to figure this out. God knows it’s taken her this long just to get to the point where she might not like men at all, but she’s… Almost happy about this possibility. Almost hopeful. Maybe she isn’t broken after all. Maybe the jagged bits inside of her are not so destructive they’ve carved out any semblance of a heart she ever had.

She doesn’t know who tells the White Rascals about her predicament. With the way word travels in the region, Naomi might have just mentioned it to one of her girls and they ran wild with it. Either way, when Junko comes home one evening, she finds a neat white note card tucked into her mailbox, an inky black logo stamped in the corner of it. Living in the city is impossible without learning all of the symbols that belong to each gang.

_ Ladies’ Night is every other Saturday. You are welcome to join us this weekend. _

The script signing at the end is difficult to read, but Junko assumes it must have come from Rocky and stands on her front porch staring at it for a few moments. Of course, she knows about Ladies’ Night at Club Heaven. Kizzy insisted on it; Junko was at Club Heaven, at their little group meeting, when Kizzy mentioned to everyone how she wanted to have a night just for women who love women to come and interact with each other.

There had been invitations then, but Junko was still sure she must have liked men and turned it down, though she passed the word on to her girls. Now, though, she has a reason to attend.

Should she wear white? That might be tacky. Best to keep to her normal attire, then.

Relief floods her on Saturday when she discovers the rest of her gang have been invited as well, soothing her in a way that she didn’t know was possible. Not being in Club Heaven alone will help her more than she has words for, especially when this is all so new to her. Given she and her girls operate in the Sannoh region and the Oya High region, it isn’t usual for them to be in Club Heaven, and Junko has never seen it lit up at night before, not like this. She’s also a little flustered when she walks in and sees nothing but a sea of women in front of her.

There are so many women. Dolled up, hair up, dressed up, clearly here to have a good time and Junko has never felt so out of place and underdressed in her life. She feels even more out of her element when most of her girls recognize other women here and drift over to talk to them; she pulls her lip between her teeth and gnaws on it, eyeing the room before making a dive toward the bar. Maybe a little liquid courage is what she needs to start the night out.

It’s while she waits for her drink to arrive that a thankfully familiar face sidles up next to her, lips painted a deeper red than Junko has ever seen, hair curled cutely. She chokes on air just a little when Kizzy tilts her head and smiles at her because while Junko has always thought Kizzy is pretty, she’s open and vulnerable right now, and this is not what she expected.

“Junko-chan, you came.” Kizzy takes her by the arm without hesitation, leaning against her, and Junko squeaks in answer. “I was wondering if you would. Naomi-chan told me that you were having some thoughts and that coming here tonight might help you.”

“Yeah. I, uh, you know. Girls.” Junko swings an arm in the direction of the rest of the club.

Kizzy laughs, and the sound is soft, shared between just the two of them. It isn’t so awful having her this close, having her hang off of Junko’s arm like this. “I love girls. Kaito was the first non-girl I ever dated actually because most women treated me better than men ever did. Did you finally figure out that you might like girls after all?”

“Everyone seems to have figured it out before me,” Junko mutters. “Was I so obvious?”

“Well…” Kizzy tilts her head to the side, presses her lips together, and in the lighting they look so soft and pretty. “You’re much friendlier with women than with men, but that doesn’t mean anything. However, you flirted with Noboru-chan a few times during group, but I don’t even know if you realized that or not. Probably not.”

Junko’s face burns at the thought; had she really? She remembers distinctly complimenting Noboru at each meeting, wanting her to feel included, to feel as pretty as she tries to make herself, and really, Noboru  _ deserves _ to be complimented. She’s a cute girl and— Okay, so maybe Junko flirted just a little. Just a  _ little,  _ but surely it wasn’t so noticeable.

“I’m out of my element here,” she says.

Kizzy takes her hand and squeezes it, lacing their fingers together. “I know, but I’m here to guide you. C’mon, get your drink. I’m going to introduce you to a few girls.”

Junko survives the night, and many more after that. She talks in group about her experiences talking to women, flirting with women, just in general being around more women and how she doesn’t feel so broken anymore. Tactfully, she ignores the small, fledgling crush in her chest. She tells herself it was probably bound to happen, that she might get attached to a woman she was already close to, one who she can trust, who knew about her, who understood her better than most others. And if that woman just happens to be taken, well…

“It’s normal to get a crush on someone who’s taken,” Noboru tells her one evening, the two of them sitting across from each other in a booth in Itokan. Cobra and Yamato are nearby but Junko chased them away in favor of stealing their favorite girl’s time to ask her for advice. “It’s kind of like a safety thing. You can’t get rejected because you know you can never them out.”

Junko narrows her eyes at her, pushing her food around on her plate. “You got experience with that? Because it sure sounds like you do.”

“Why do you think it took me so long to get with those two?” Noboru asks, nodding to her boys.

“I thought it was because you were dating Miho, but you knew them first and you guys weren’t together before that, were you?” When Noboru shakes her head, Junko sighs and props her head up in her hands, her mind whirring a thousand miles an hour. “I still wish it wasn’t like this. I just now finally got myself figured out, y’know?”

Noboru touches her shoulder. “It’s hard, I know. It’s never going to be easy for us. But you’re taking steps in the right direction. So enjoy the first crush even if it can’t go anywhere.”

“It feels like that’s impossible. I just want to tell her how I feel, you know? She’s never going to leave her boyfriend for me, they might as well be married. But I just… It feels useless to not let her know.” Junko pouts, then shoves rice into her mouth. She’s being  _ pathetic _ and she knows it.

“Then, well, tell her.” Noboru shrugs. “But make sure she knows you know nothing can come of it or you’re going to probably upset her a little bit.”

She waits for her chance to come. Club Heaven always does something special for Valentine’s Day and though Junko is nervous, she shows up. She showers beforehand, and brushes her hair as carefully as possible. She wears a new dress— wearing dresses alone is a confidence booster, and she loves looking feminine when she dresses up— and tucks the present beneath her arm, keeping it protected from the surge of people around her.

Men and women, everyone in-between and outside, flood the dance floor. Junko navigates them all carefully, making sure she doesn’t step on toes, careful of her feet. Some people ask her to dance, all women who know her by now, but she puts them off.  _ Not right now, maybe later, I gotta talk to someone first. _ It still feels good that they see her. It still feels good they want to spend time with her and talk to her.

Kizzy is sat on one of the plush couches near the stairs, a glass of wine in one hand, her arm folded around Kaito’s shoulders. She smiles when she sees Junko approach, passes him her drink, and stands to greet Junko. Not for the first time, Junko thinks that Kizzy and Kaito must be soulmates for as easy as they move around each other, as well as they fit together.

Before Kizzy can say anything to her, Junko thrusts the red heart-shaped box with its tacky pink ribbon out at her. “Here. I got you chocolate for Valentine’s Day.”

Kizzy stops short, a hand fluttering to her throat as she looks at the box. “Junko-chan—”

“I know you can’t reciprocate. Like, you’ve got Kaito. I get that.” Junko’s heart hammers against her ribs, her pulse keeping time in her throat. She wants the floor to open up and swallow her so she doesn’t have to go through with this. Behind Kizzy, she can see Lassie raise a hand to their mouth, eyebrows raised just a touch. “But, like, you’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.”

“You know you don’t have to thank me for that,” Kizzy says softly.

Junko’s cheeks are on fire but she takes a step forward, pushing the box into Kizzy’s hands. “I’m not… That’s not, exactly, what this is for. I just— You’re the first woman I’ve ever liked. Maybe it’s corny but I dunno, I guess I thought it warranted doing  _ something _ about. Even if you couldn’t do anything back, I just wanted to let you know I luh— like you.”

She feels like a little kid. How many years of her life did she throw away chasing after guys who never did anything for her? And now this feels just as silly, just as ridiculous. There are people staring at them, people who know what Junko is doing is completely useless in all ways, that Kizzy is happily taken and no one is going to come between her and Kaito.

“Is that so?” Kizzy takes the box from her, fingering the pink ribbon on the box. “Well, you’re… Incorrect. Kaito isn’t my only partner. He hasn’t been since we formed the White Rascals.”

Junko’s brain threatens to fizzle out. “Excuse me?”

“I’m not exactly into monogamy. It doesn’t work with our set-up, actually.” Kizzy takes a step closer to her and Junko’s head threatens to go white static at the proximity. “I can’t make you any promises, because that would be dishonest. But if you’re interested in me, maybe we can go on a date or two. Or something, just, we can try. Kaito can stay at home with Rocky and Koo that night, it might do them some good to have alone time.”

“Are you…” Junko wets her lips. “Is this real?”

Kizzy laughs and slings an arm around her neck, and it makes her entire body jerk with the motion. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Junko-chan. I’ll go on a date with you.”

Junko’s brain promptly shuts off when Kizzy leans up to kiss her. There are whoops and hollers from the group of couches, and when Junko leans back, blinking over and over to try to clear her mind, she finds Kaito raising his glass to her— Kizzy’s glass, really.

Maybe this wasn’t such a mistake to go through with after all.


End file.
